- Messages
- 1,558
- Reaction score
- 2,428
- Points
- 273
Its getting worse: 
-
We need your support!
We are currently struggling to cover the operational costs of Xtremepapers, as a result we might have to shut this website down. Please donate if we have helped you and help make a difference in other students' lives!
Click here to Donate Now (View Announcement)
~~jokes?? in here?? really??
- Thread starter mista.lova.lova
- Start date
- Messages
- 971
- Reaction score
- 532
- Points
- 103
Has this become the official funny picture thread?
- Messages
- 4,152
- Reaction score
- 12,461
- Points
- 523
LOL!!!
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her trolley. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, “No.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don’t be upset. It won’t be long now.”
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry. The mother said, “There, there, Monica, don’t cry - only two more aisles to go and then we’ll be checking out.”
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamour for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there’d be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, “Monica, we’ll be through this check out stand in five minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap.”
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. “I couldn’t help noticing how patient you were with little Monica,” he began.
The mother replied, “I’m Monica - my little girl’s name is Tammy.”
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, “Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?”
“Why do you want me to throw them at you?”
“Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them.”
“Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy.”
“But why?”
“Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight.”
“Why do you want me to throw them at you?”
“Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them.”
“Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy.”
“But why?”
“Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight.”
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
An FBI investigation
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
“Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbor house. Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?”
“Yep.”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden ploughed.”
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
“Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbor house. Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?”
“Yep.”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden ploughed.”
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
A teenger is:
- A person who can’t remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.
- A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.
- A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday.
- Someone who can hear a song by Madonna played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.
- A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can’t make a bed.
- A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver’s license.
- A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.
- An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.
- A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud.
- A person who is always late for dinner but always on time for a rock concert.
- A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.
- A boy who can sleep until noon on any Saturday when he suspects the lawn needs mowing.
- An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.
- A person who can’t remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.
- A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.
- A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday.
- Someone who can hear a song by Madonna played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.
- A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can’t make a bed.
- A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver’s license.
- A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.
- An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.
- A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud.
- A person who is always late for dinner but always on time for a rock concert.
- A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.
- A boy who can sleep until noon on any Saturday when he suspects the lawn needs mowing.
- An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
Freshmen
v/s seniors
- Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.
- Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class.
- Freshman: Calls the professor “Teacher”.
Senior: Calls the professor “Bob”.
- Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if it’s more than three blocks away.
- Freshman: Memorises the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorises the professor’s habits to get a good grade.
- Freshman: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university.
Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually.
- Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand.
- Freshman: Lines up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first week.
Senior: Starts to think about buying textbooks in October... maybe.
- Freshman: Calls his girlfriend back home every other night.
Senior: Calls Domino’s every other night.
- Freshman: Is appalled at the class size and callousness of professors.
Senior: Is appalled that the campus ‘Subway’ burned down over the summer.
- Freshman: Conscientiously completes all homework, including optional questions.
Senior: Homework? I knew I forgot to do something last night.
- Freshman: Is excited about the world of possibilities that awaits him, the unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the chance to expand one’s horizons to really make a contribution to society.
Senior: Is excited about new dryers in laundry room.
- Freshman: Takes meticulous four-colour notes in class.
Senior: Occasionally stays awake for all of class.
v/s seniors
- Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.
- Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class.
- Freshman: Calls the professor “Teacher”.
Senior: Calls the professor “Bob”.
- Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if it’s more than three blocks away.
- Freshman: Memorises the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorises the professor’s habits to get a good grade.
- Freshman: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university.
Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually.
- Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand.
- Freshman: Lines up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first week.
Senior: Starts to think about buying textbooks in October... maybe.
- Freshman: Calls his girlfriend back home every other night.
Senior: Calls Domino’s every other night.
- Freshman: Is appalled at the class size and callousness of professors.
Senior: Is appalled that the campus ‘Subway’ burned down over the summer.
- Freshman: Conscientiously completes all homework, including optional questions.
Senior: Homework? I knew I forgot to do something last night.
- Freshman: Is excited about the world of possibilities that awaits him, the unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the chance to expand one’s horizons to really make a contribution to society.
Senior: Is excited about new dryers in laundry room.
- Freshman: Takes meticulous four-colour notes in class.
Senior: Occasionally stays awake for all of class.
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
Q. Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire?
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: There is a fight between the earth and the moon. Water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forgot where the sun joins the fight.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: You stick a mirror to the bottom of the pool!
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: Sickness at the airport.
Q: What do you call someone who lives in a mailbox?
A: Bills!
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire?
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: There is a fight between the earth and the moon. Water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forgot where the sun joins the fight.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: You stick a mirror to the bottom of the pool!
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: Sickness at the airport.
Q: What do you call someone who lives in a mailbox?
A: Bills!
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
--My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
--We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
--There are two theories on arguing with women. Neither one works.
--Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
--My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
--A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
--I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburettor." I said, "Where’s the car?" She said, "In the lake!"
--The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
--After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice."
--A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
--I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don’t like to interrupt her.
--Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
--I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
just recieved a msg it states:A noble award winner novel writer dedicated his novel to his late wife and wrote on the front page:"it is dedicated to my wife because in her absence i could complete this book"
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
things my mother taught me........
- My mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me."
- My mother taught me MEDICINE..."If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to freeze that way."
- My mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD..."If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!"
- My mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE..."What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don’t talk back to me!"
- My mother taught me HUMOR..."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."
- My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT..."If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.
- My mother taught me about GENETICS..."You are just like your father!"
- My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE..."When you get to be my age, you will understand."
- My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION..."Just wait until your father gets home."
- My mother taught me about RECEIVING..."You are going to get it when we get home."
- And, my all-time favourite - JUSTICE..."One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU - then you’ll see what it’s like!"
- My mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me."
- My mother taught me MEDICINE..."If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to freeze that way."
- My mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD..."If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!"
- My mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE..."What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don’t talk back to me!"
- My mother taught me HUMOR..."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."
- My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT..."If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.
- My mother taught me about GENETICS..."You are just like your father!"
- My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE..."When you get to be my age, you will understand."
- My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION..."Just wait until your father gets home."
- My mother taught me about RECEIVING..."You are going to get it when we get home."
- And, my all-time favourite - JUSTICE..."One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU - then you’ll see what it’s like!"
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
There is no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburger; no apple or pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hotdog, you can be pretty sure it isn’t canine.
- English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France.
- Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
- Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
- If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, two mice. So one louse, two lice? One house, two hice?
- If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
- Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
- Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
- How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
- How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
- When a house burns up, it actually burns down.
- You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
- You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a bus.
- When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
- And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this piece of writing, I end it?
- English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France.
- Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
- Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
- If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, two mice. So one louse, two lice? One house, two hice?
- If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
- Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
- Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
- How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
- How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
- When a house burns up, it actually burns down.
- You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
- You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a bus.
- When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
- And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this piece of writing, I end it?
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
There is no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburger; no apple or pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hotdog, you can be pretty sure it isn’t canine.
- English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France.
- Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
- Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
- If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, two mice. So one louse, two lice? One house, two hice?
- If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
- Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
- Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
- How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
- How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
- When a house burns up, it actually burns down.
- You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
- You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a bus.
- When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
- And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this piece of writing, I end it?
- English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France.
- Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
- Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
- If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, two mice. So one louse, two lice? One house, two hice?
- If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
- Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
- Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
- How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
- How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
- When a house burns up, it actually burns down.
- You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
- You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a bus.
- When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
- And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this piece of writing, I end it?
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
A man is taking a walk in Central Park in New York. Suddenly, he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl’s life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, “You are a hero. Tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers, ‘Brave New Yorker saves a little girl’s life’.”
“But I am not a New Yorker!”
“Oh, then it will say in newspaper in the morning, ‘Brave American saves a little girl’s life’.”
“But I am not an American either. I am a Pakistani!”
The next day newspaper read, “Islamic extremist kills American dog, connections to terrorist network are possible.”
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, “You are a hero. Tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers, ‘Brave New Yorker saves a little girl’s life’.”
“But I am not a New Yorker!”
“Oh, then it will say in newspaper in the morning, ‘Brave American saves a little girl’s life’.”
“But I am not an American either. I am a Pakistani!”
The next day newspaper read, “Islamic extremist kills American dog, connections to terrorist network are possible.”
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies "Four."
The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question, "What do two plus two equal?"
The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
The phone keeps ringing
The following is supposedly a true story reported years ago in a newspaper.
Phone Won’t Stop Ringing?
Here’s What You Do
Leola Starling of Rib Rock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.
The brand-new $10 million Rib Rock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola. From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number. Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery. The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer
was getting someone else’s calls 24 hours a day didn’t make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands.
Next morning, at 9 o’clock, the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa said, “No problem. How many nights?” A few hours later a secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. “No, that won’t be necessary,” Leola said. “We trust you.”
The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers’ convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II. She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch her favourite soap opera, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter’s wedding in June. Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. “There’s no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers.”
Within a few months, the Rib Rock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and sweet sixteen parties, and were all told there were no such events. Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, “We’re prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel.”
Leola replied. “We’ll take it, but only if you change the telephone number.”
The following is supposedly a true story reported years ago in a newspaper.
Phone Won’t Stop Ringing?
Here’s What You Do
Leola Starling of Rib Rock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.
The brand-new $10 million Rib Rock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola. From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number. Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery. The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer
Next morning, at 9 o’clock, the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa said, “No problem. How many nights?” A few hours later a secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. “No, that won’t be necessary,” Leola said. “We trust you.”
The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers’ convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II. She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch her favourite soap opera, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter’s wedding in June. Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. “There’s no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers.”
Within a few months, the Rib Rock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and sweet sixteen parties, and were all told there were no such events. Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, “We’re prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel.”
Leola replied. “We’ll take it, but only if you change the telephone number.”
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
i luv maths......
Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...
Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin...
Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
A: A high school math problem!
Q: What does the zero say to the eight?
A: Nice belt!
Q: How does one insult a mathematician?
A: You say: “Your brain is smaller than any >0!”
Q: What does a mathematician present to his fiancée when he wants to propose?
A: A polynomial ring!
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!
Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, always insist on taking the leftovers home?
A: Because they know the Chinese remainder theorem!
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi!
Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...
Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin...
Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
A: A high school math problem!
Q: What does the zero say to the eight?
A: Nice belt!
Q: How does one insult a mathematician?
A: You say: “Your brain is smaller than any >0!”
Q: What does a mathematician present to his fiancée when he wants to propose?
A: A polynomial ring!
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!
Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, always insist on taking the leftovers home?
A: Because they know the Chinese remainder theorem!
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi!
- Messages
- 1,829
- Reaction score
- 10,424
- Points
- 523
Too expensive
One day, a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it would cost to extract wisdom teeth. “Eighty dollars,” the dentist says. “That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?” “Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an anesthetics, I can knock the price down to $60.” Looking annoyed the man says, “That’s still too expensive!” “Okay,” says the dentist. “If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $20.” “Nope,” moans the man, “it’s still too much.” “Well,” says the dentist, scratching his head, “if I let one of my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $10.” “Marvellous,” says the man, “book my wife for next Tuesday!”
One day, a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it would cost to extract wisdom teeth. “Eighty dollars,” the dentist says. “That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?” “Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an anesthetics, I can knock the price down to $60.” Looking annoyed the man says, “That’s still too expensive!” “Okay,” says the dentist. “If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $20.” “Nope,” moans the man, “it’s still too much.” “Well,” says the dentist, scratching his head, “if I let one of my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $10.” “Marvellous,” says the man, “book my wife for next Tuesday!”
- Messages
- 63
- Reaction score
- 630
- Points
- 93
ROFL. What a great deal of Jokes by hafsahassan