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Hello, i have written an essay based on one of the topics my teacher has given me. can someone rate this essay out of 30 and also mention any mistakes i have made. the topic is ''The Future of Pakistan''.


The future of Pakistan seems to be getting bleaker and bleaker by the day. With a crippling economy, a negative balance of payment, constant security threats from various terrorist organizations and an unacceptably high rate of illiteracy, it seems that the country is spiraling to the “dark ages”.

A survey was held by the Institute of European Business Administration from 125 countries and Pakistan was ranked 4th most intelligent people of the world. Then why does Pakistan have a literacy rate of estimated 50%? Illiteracy is the root cause of almost every problem today. It increases poverty due to less employment and also decreases the educational facilities due to lack of teachers and educated people. On the whole, because of illiteracy we are left behind in every aspect, economically, politically or educationally. It also causes criminal activities as due to less awareness and education, people get involved in street crimes and various other criminal activities to keep up their living and necessities of life. Like this, illiteracy is the root of many other problems in this country. If the government takes action such as the introduction of education awareness schemes or building of more schools with affordable tuition fees, then a considerable drop in the illiteracy rate can be seen.


Basically the balance of payment is the difference between the value of exports of a country and the value of imports of a country. For Pakistan, the current balance of payment represents a negative figure, which elucidates the fact that the value of Pakistan's imports is much greater than the value of Pakistan's exports. A very strong reason for this negative figure is the need for strengthening the industrial sector of Pakistan for which the import of capital goods is required, which forms a large part of Pakistan's exports. Another reason for this negative balance of payment is the fact that Pakistani goods do not have a very high demand in the market because of the lack of standardization in their products as well as the absence of quality control. Another source that increases the imports is the mindset of the public, which prefers imported goods to local goods. Lastly, it is the constant increase in oil prices that has led to the huge deficit in the balance of payment in Pakistan. The import problem can easily be solved by using the natural gas reserves here in Pakistan which is estimated to be over 492 billion cubic meters or by setting up more Export Processing Zones all over Pakistan.

The constant security threats are also a major problem faced by Pakistan. It has especially affected the tourism industry in Pakistan.The countries or regions that depend heavily on tourism have been found to suffer significant economic losses due to the persistence of terrorism. That is because individuals who plan their holidays are not likely to choose a destination with a high threat of terrorist attacks. Gilgit-Baltistan and the NWFP are important destinations in Pakistan and people living there depend on tourism. However, most parts of Pakistan’s northern belt and NWFP have fallen into the terrorists’ grip. According to the World Economic Forum, Pakistan ranked 113 out of 130 countries in 2009 as a tourist destination. The low ranking is attributed to incidents of terrorism and the lack of a tourism regulatory framework in Pakistan. The tourism industry will surely be bankrupt soon unless action is taken against these terrorist organizations.

In conclusion, unless the government takes action immediately against these problems the country is facing, Pakistan will surely enter a dark age with pandemonium all over the country.
 
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597 words! i fear u would have exceeded the word limit. as a result of which i fear u would have been unable to complete this essay in 60 minutes..
But your language skills and vocabulary is excellent! WELL DONE!
26/30!
 
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597 words! i fear u would have exceeded the word limit. as a result of which i fear u would have been unable to complete this essay in 60 minutes..
But your language skills and vocabulary is excellent! WELL DONE!
26/30!
THANK YOU! and actually i can write very fast so thats no problem as i completed my islamiat paper 1 and 2 within 75 minutes. anyways how can i improve on my essay skills to get higher marks or something?
 
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AoA
Hello, i have written an essay based on one of the topics my teacher has given me. can someone rate this essay out of 30 and also mention any mistakes i have made. the topic is ''The Future of Pakistan''.


The future of Pakistan seems to be getting bleaker and bleaker by the day. With a crippling economy, a negative balance of payment, constant security threats from various terrorist organizations and an unacceptably high rate of illiteracy, it seems that the country is spiraling to the “dark ages”.

A survey was held by the Institute of European Business Administration from 125 countries and Pakistan was ranked 4th most intelligent people of the world. Then why does Pakistan have a literacy rate of estimated 50%? Illiteracy is the root cause of almost every problem today. It increases poverty due to less employment and also decreases the educational facilities due to lack of teachers and educated people. On the whole, because of illiteracy we are left behind in every aspect, economically, politically or educationally. It also causes criminal activities as due to less awareness and education, people get involved in street crimes and various other criminal activities to keep up their living and necessities of life. Like this, illiteracy is the root of many other problems in this country. If the government takes action such as the introduction of education awareness schemes or building of more schools with affordable tuition fees, then a considerable drop in the illiteracy rate can be seen.


Basically the balance of payment is the difference between the value of exports of a country and the value of imports of a country. For Pakistan, the current balance of payment represents a negative figure, which elucidates the fact that the value of Pakistan's imports is much greater than the value of Pakistan's exports. A very strong reason for this negative figure is the need for strengthening the industrial sector of Pakistan for which the import of capital goods is required, which forms a large part of Pakistan's exports. Another reason for this negative balance of payment is the fact that Pakistani goods do not have a very high demand in the market because of the lack of standardization in their products as well as the absence of quality control. Another source that increases the imports is the mindset of the public, which prefers imported goods to local goods. Lastly, it is the constant increase in oil prices that has led to the huge deficit in the balance of payment in Pakistan. The import problem can easily be solved by using the natural gas reserves here in Pakistan which is estimated to be over 492 billion cubic meters or by setting up more Export Processing Zones all over Pakistan.

The constant security threats are also a major problem faced by Pakistan. It has especially affected the tourism industry in Pakistan.The countries or regions that depend heavily on tourism have been found to suffer significant economic losses due to the persistence of terrorism. That is because individuals who plan their holidays are not likely to choose a destination with a high threat of terrorist attacks. Gilgit-Baltistan and the NWFP are important destinations in Pakistan and people living there depend on tourism. However, most parts of Pakistan’s northern belt and NWFP have fallen into the terrorists’ grip. According to the World Economic Forum, Pakistan ranked 113 out of 130 countries in 2009 as a tourist destination. The low ranking is attributed to incidents of terrorism and the lack of a tourism regulatory framework in Pakistan. The tourism industry will surely be bankrupt soon unless action is taken against these terrorist organizations.

In conclusion, unless the government takes action immediately against these problems the country is facing, Pakistan will surely enter a dark age with pandemonium all over the country.
havent read the whole essay, just read the paragraph so i would suggest you to not use the word 'illiteracy again and again, some of ur senteces are short, and some of them are very long and strecthed, they should be balance and should not seem overly twisted and stretched. You have used a good amount of connective words , i would suggest instead of writing so much, divide the middle paragraph into 2, and make a short introduction and concluding pargraph stating your opinion.
 
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havent read the whole essay, just read the paragraph so i would suggest you to not use the word 'illiteracy again and again, some of ur senteces are short, and some of them are very long and strecthed, they should be balance and should not seem overly twisted and stretched. You have used a good amount of connective words , i would suggest instead of writing so much, divide the middle paragraph into 2, and make a short introduction and concluding pargraph stating your opinion.
i will try to write less or connect long sentences.
 
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The above gave the impression of a well researched economics essay at first glance. Did you google up the facts while writing or memory ?
Excellent. Remember the concept of the essay and use of sensible vocab is key
annay waah vocab ka koii faida nahin :D
 
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as a part of my experience i think that your essay is excellent but still there are certain essay rules you have you follow
 
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The above gave the impression of a well researched economics essay at first glance. Did you google up the facts while writing or memory ?
Excellent. Remember the concept of the essay and use of sensible vocab is key
annay waah vocab ka koii faida nahin :D
some googled, some i had remembered and some from my general knowledge of current world affairs from T.V , newspapers etc etc.
 
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are u an economics student????
well it was a g0od essay....you can achieve the highest marks.
use m0re creative language..
 
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the content and structure is pleasing. However, you may improve it further by adding some solutions and problems from different perspectives i.e what role an individual should play in saving the future other than just the acts and policies of government and also how the literate people are causing problems for Pakistan as they are more interested in foreign countries and are not ready to serve Pakistan. This will give your an essay a better conclusion. So for this essay I award you 25/30, A grade. :)
 
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the sentence structure is too simple and direct .also childish at times . Writing is not able to relate to the reader,boring at times , because you seem to have copied some facts. ThERes no spice, looks more of a question attempted in history paper and not english language.
Vocabulary is impressive in patches.need further polishing
these type of topics are uncommon so practise topics to what we often see in past papers
you are penalised for crossing word limit n they dont read any word over 520 max .(-3)
grammar accurate n so are spellings
it isnt natural.you would have done better if you wouldnt have googled any info or whatever

marks=21/22 over 30
-3 for word limit
18/30
 
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the sentence structure is too simple and direct .also childish at times . Writing is not able to relate to the reader,boring at times , because you seem to have copied some facts. ThERes no spice, looks more of a question attempted in history paper and not english language.
Vocabulary is impressive in patches.need further polishing
these type of topics are uncommon so practise topics to what we often see in past papers
you are penalised for crossing word limit n they dont read any word over 520 max .(-3)
grammar accurate n so are spellings
it isnt natural.you would have done better if you wouldnt have googled any info or whatever

marks=21/22 over 30
-3 for word limit
18/30
well im sorry if i did not take it in the story direction with characters that relate to us. i had only googled up the rankings which i had to include in the essay. plus there is no penalty for crossing the word limit at all, just that one must make sure they complete it in time. i had asked several teachers from the english department from my school and they said it was not advised since students who tried to go over the limit tend to not complete their papers. but i have very fast handwriting so that would be no issue for me. and what do you mean it is unnatural? AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO PRACTICE ANY TOPICS I WANT TO AND GIVE AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT TOPIC IN THE EXAM AS I PLEASE .
 
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the content and structure is pleasing. However, you may improve it further by adding some solutions and problems from different perspectives i.e what role an individual should play in saving the future other than just the acts and policies of government and also how the literate people are causing problems for Pakistan as they are more interested in foreign countries and are not ready to serve Pakistan. This will give your an essay a better conclusion. So for this essay I award you 25/30, A grade. :)
i will keep that in mind. maybe i watched V for Vendetta :D before writing this essay as part of the annual ritual of watching it on 5th of november and just concentrated on the government aspect since, oh u know what i mean if u have seen the movie and if u havent, what are u waiting for go watch it.
 
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well im sorry if i did not take it in the story direction with characters that relate to us. i had only googled up the rankings which i had to include in the essay. plus there is no penalty for crossing the word limit at all, just that one must make sure they complete it in time. i had asked several teachers from the english department from my school and they said it was not advised since students who tried to go over the limit tend to not complete their papers. but i have very fast handwriting so that would be no issue for me. and what do you mean it is unnatural? AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO PRACTICE ANY TOPICS I WANT TO AND GIVE AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT TOPIC IN THE EXAM AS I PLEASE .
just my view man.one u asked for.u can do anythng u want to and write n interpret wt u wish.thank you!
 
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