• We need your support!

    We are currently struggling to cover the operational costs of Xtremepapers, as a result we might have to shut this website down. Please donate if we have helped you and help make a difference in other students' lives!
    Click here to Donate Now (View Announcement)

BF's/GF's/"Crushes"...are they really lawful?

Nazahat

Nazahat

Messages
179
Reaction score
1,067
Points
143
knowitall10 said:
Assalamu 'Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Rahim:

Before starting my topic i would like to clarify that this thread has not been aimed at anyone, and i mean it. No one is being pinpointed at over here, I am only talking in the generalized view.

Boyfriends, girlfriends, crushes...what are these? Boyfriends: friends who are boys, apparently; girlfriends: friends who are girls, and crushes: something that probably lies in between...

You see, humans are not free of desires. In fact, the whole reason why this bf/gf relationship is made unlawful is because it was going to happen. It is bound to happen. And there's no blaming humans for it to happen because it was mixed in our nature to be that way. Once the human reaches puberty, all these feelings come along, it's only hormonal. But the question is, if "desires" were mixed in human nature, why has it been made unlawful for us?
It hasn't.
Overstepping our boundaries has been made unlawful. You may like someone, because of the looks, personality, commitment and so many more reasons, that's not wrong...liking someone isn't wrong. It's guarding your Nafs that's the problem. Because eventually, liking gives rise to so-called loving or crushing as the teenagers nowadays name it...and this is where it becomes unlawful.
Like the person, no body's stopping you, say MashAllah, and walk off..if you fear that you're going to fall into fitnah, then avoid the person..avoid him/her for it may facilitate Shaytan's job for him...which is not what we must be doing..
First of all, for men, the best way to control the Nafs is either by growing a beard, or fasting, or both.
For females, there's a whole list of things we mustn't do :p Of which I'll mention but a few:
  1. Don't look too attractive, wear your Jilbab- or any lose clothing..for women who wear Abayas..for God's Sake, quit making them perfectly fit on yourselves! The whole point of a jilbab is to prevent you from revealing your figure..
  2. Don't wear too much make-up in public, if you really can't help it, wear a Niqab..but even those who wear a Niqab make sure their eyes look pretty-NO..stay simple, no make-up.
  3. Dark colored abayas are usually preferred, not bright, attractive colors..
  4. When speaking in public, maintain a stern, strict (but not harsh) voice to prevent attraction..
  5. Always go out with a Mehrem, I strongly suggest...it only prevents you from doing something you shouldn't be doing, although i've seen many women who controlled themselves well without one, mashAllah..
For both men and women: Lower your gaze, because the Fitnah starts from the Gaze and if that is lowered, then, bi'idhnillah, a whole burden of problems would be lifted from our shoulders!!

These are but a few i could mention...
Next..some people like one another due to spiritual reasons, which again, isn't bad. There're very good Muslim brothers and sisters who are youthful and active in spreading their Din, mashAllah..and a Muslim brother might like a Muslim sister for it or the other way round. However this doesn't mean that we stop whatever we're doing! It only means that if you feel the other is trying to get too close, always remember to mention that you're a sister/ brother, and that Islam has set up it's boundaries that we must not cross..then, anything at all will automatically make us feel the Ghairah, or the self-consciousness and we will mentally know that we mustn't overstep any boundaries...this way, reminding each other would benefit us in two ways: we won't fall into illegal, shameful stuff, and it will give us more points since we are enjoining good and forbidding evil..don't you think?
I don't really have much time, or i would have quoted many Ahadith and Ayaat from the Qur'an and Sunnah, and i would've placed deeper thought to this topic..but nevertheless, i hope i cleared off any doubts regarding it...
Please feel free to ask any questions, either over here or through pm :) I'd be more than pleased to answer your questions for you..
May Allah make this month a source of guidance for us, so that we may be able to control our Nafs and prevent ourselves from the plots of the Shaytan..May He forgive all of our sins in this blessed month, purify us, cleanse us, and scrub off us any impurity...may this month be a cure to our spiritual and physical illnesses, and May our scale of good deeds outweigh our scale of bad deeds in the Akhira, so that we enter Jannatul Firdaus, united and successful, in sha Allah
-Aameen-
Ramadan Kareem!! :):)
Click to expand...

this piece of writing is amazing there are a lot of people in my class who need thnx
 
fantastic girl

fantastic girl

Messages
4,062
Reaction score
25,658
Points
523
knowitall10 said:
Assalamu 'Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Rahim:

Before starting my topic i would like to clarify that this thread has not been aimed at anyone, and i mean it. No one is being pinpointed at over here, I am only talking in the generalized view.

Boyfriends, girlfriends, crushes...what are these? Boyfriends: friends who are boys, apparently; girlfriends: friends who are girls, and crushes: something that probably lies in between...

You see, humans are not free of desires. In fact, the whole reason why this bf/gf relationship is made unlawful is because it was going to happen. It is bound to happen. And there's no blaming humans for it to happen because it was mixed in our nature to be that way. Once the human reaches puberty, all these feelings come along, it's only hormonal. But the question is, if "desires" were mixed in human nature, why has it been made unlawful for us?
It hasn't.
Overstepping our boundaries has been made unlawful. You may like someone, because of the looks, personality, commitment and so many more reasons, that's not wrong...liking someone isn't wrong. It's guarding your Nafs that's the problem. Because eventually, liking gives rise to so-called loving or crushing as the teenagers nowadays name it...and this is where it becomes unlawful.
Like the person, no body's stopping you, say MashAllah, and walk off..if you fear that you're going to fall into fitnah, then avoid the person..avoid him/her for it may facilitate Shaytan's job for him...which is not what we must be doing..
First of all, for men, the best way to control the Nafs is either by growing a beard, or fasting, or both.
For females, there's a whole list of things we mustn't do :p Of which I'll mention but a few:
  1. Don't look too attractive, wear your Jilbab- or any lose clothing..for women who wear Abayas..for God's Sake, quit making them perfectly fit on yourselves! The whole point of a jilbab is to prevent you from revealing your figure..
  2. Don't wear too much make-up in public, if you really can't help it, wear a Niqab..but even those who wear a Niqab make sure their eyes look pretty-NO..stay simple, no make-up.
  3. Dark colored abayas are usually preferred, not bright, attractive colors..
  4. When speaking in public, maintain a stern, strict (but not harsh) voice to prevent attraction..
  5. Always go out with a Mehrem, I strongly suggest...it only prevents you from doing something you shouldn't be doing, although i've seen many women who controlled themselves well without one, mashAllah..
For both men and women: Lower your gaze, because the Fitnah starts from the Gaze and if that is lowered, then, bi'idhnillah, a whole burden of problems would be lifted from our shoulders!!

These are but a few i could mention...
Next..some people like one another due to spiritual reasons, which again, isn't bad. There're very good Muslim brothers and sisters who are youthful and active in spreading their Din, mashAllah..and a Muslim brother might like a Muslim sister for it or the other way round. However this doesn't mean that we stop whatever we're doing! It only means that if you feel the other is trying to get too close, always remember to mention that you're a sister/ brother, and that Islam has set up it's boundaries that we must not cross..then, anything at all will automatically make us feel the Ghairah, or the self-consciousness and we will mentally know that we mustn't overstep any boundaries...this way, reminding each other would benefit us in two ways: we won't fall into illegal, shameful stuff, and it will give us more points since we are enjoining good and forbidding evil..don't you think?
I don't really have much time, or i would have quoted many Ahadith and Ayaat from the Qur'an and Sunnah, and i would've placed deeper thought to this topic..but nevertheless, i hope i cleared off any doubts regarding it...
Please feel free to ask any questions, either over here or through pm :) I'd be more than pleased to answer your questions for you..
May Allah make this month a source of guidance for us, so that we may be able to control our Nafs and prevent ourselves from the plots of the Shaytan..May He forgive all of our sins in this blessed month, purify us, cleanse us, and scrub off us any impurity...may this month be a cure to our spiritual and physical illnesses, and May our scale of good deeds outweigh our scale of bad deeds in the Akhira, so that we enter Jannatul Firdaus, united and successful, in sha Allah
-Aameen-
Ramadan Kareem!! :):)
Click to expand...
Awesome thread sissy......May Allah reward u for this.....Aameen!
~RaMaDaN MuBaRaK~ to ya too :)
IGCSE O/L student JaZakAllah for the tag sista <3 :)
 
S

Saiyan

Messages
318
Reaction score
1,937
Points
253
Verses which mention that this relationship thing is forbidden:

Surah An-Nur, Verse 30 :
Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do.

Surah An-Nur, Verse 31 :
And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.

This video is really awesome :) Lecture given by Ustad Nouman Ali Khan
 
Happily Insane

Happily Insane

Messages
249
Reaction score
149
Points
43
knowitall10 said:
Soldier313 PhyZac xhizors shazmina Nibz bhai badrobot14 bhai Nayya Hassan AnGeL.Of.DaRkNeSs CaptainDanger gary221 sumaiyarox:) cyclone94 Al-Anoud Shah... Ibtizam usama321 cardude456 robinhoodmustafa alphabravocharlie Master_Shifu omg Ibtizam champ-student Raweeha Emma13 Unique_39 Happy Muslimah muslimah here regular user IGCSE O/L student OakMoon! Saad Mughal fantastic girl scarface007 $~SauD~$ DeViL gURl B) Rutzaba Waleed007 Deewani Thunder Bird Freakymind Xpolymer Meesum Xpolymer Miraj Zari Uniquely Beautiful ZKhanXZ funky brat étudiante AAnsarii 1357911 Afnan Hafiz asma tareen amna saleem Maryum7 :D
and @ cool crystals..(i really don't know how to tag her, so somebody please tag her)
and ofc, @everyone else :)
And Happily Insane
Click to expand...
Walaikum Assalam Warehmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.
Thanks for that honorary mention. :p
Jazak ALLAH for the tag.
Masha ALLAH a great thread and a much needed one too! :)
Great work, sister! (y)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top