Can somebody please grade my writing? Guidance + tips + suggestions would be great :)

[scarificeurlaav]

Should entertainers and sports stars be paid such large sums of money? What are your views.

In today's world, the distribution of money and power is completely unfair. It is true that there are billions of people out there who are starving at this very moment. Perhaps they might not even have a roof over their heads. Charitable organizations complain that they do not have enough money to support so many people. If money was spent in the right areas, this might not have been the case.

A fireman works his hours just to save people. He puts other people's lives before his, surely his occupation deserves a higher prestige than a pop star who shows up in a few gigs a month and spends all his day whining about how difficult life is. Or for instance a farmer, a farmer devotes his life to his crop, due to his efforts, hundreds of mouths are fed. Does he not deserve to earn more than a football players who earns millions of dollars just for kicking a ball around? These football players are bought off by clubs like domestic animals, large sums of money are spent just to get them to play one game. That money could have indeed be spent in a much more worth while organization

The truth is, the media plays an important role in blinding are view. They portray celebrities and sportsmen as heroes in such a way that we forget who are real heroes are. In my opinion, action should be taken to provide people with worth occupations a higher living standard. Together, we can all create a better world.

 

[Moona2]

I would give it an 14/15 for Content, 13/15 for Lannguage, 12/15 for Vocabulary. You have made some spelling mistakes but I really appreciate your effort. I like your style of writing. Looks like you read blogs, online articles and stuff which is reflecting your writing skills.
Read more books though.(I can give you a list for holidays IF you want) All in all, you deserve an A. Working a little harder can get you an A* because I see you reaching that level.
Hope you don't mind anything. You asked for it, so I felt like "WTH just do it Moona"
P.S. I'm not perfect either.I know

 

[scarificeurlaav]

I would give it an 14/15 for Content, 13/15 for Lannguage, 12/15 for Vocabulary. You have made some spelling mistakes but I really appreciate your effort. I like your style of writing. Looks like you read blogs, online articles and stuff which is reflecting your writing skills.
Read more books though.(I can give you a list for holidays IF you want) All in all, you deserve an A. Working a little harder can get you an A* because I see you reaching that level.
Hope you don't mind anything. You asked for it, so I felt like "WTH just do it Moona"
P.S. I'm not perfect either.I know

Thankyou so much, wellll my exam's on Thursday so I don't think I can get alot of reading done but do give me a few names please You must be psychic because I'm a blogger No no, ofcourse I don't mind, in fact I think you left me off the hook too easily, my cousin said he'd give me 22/30

 

[scarificeurlaav]

Can you please grade this too? Pretty please?

Write about an occasion which taught you that money is not the most important thing in life

I worked my whole life to be successful. Unlike my parents, I did not want to be under somebody’s debt. It hurt my pride as a child to see a man dressed up in a suit, banging on our doors asking for my father to pay him back. I did not want to be a failure like him.

Disappointed by my father’s irresponsibility, I took an interest in my studies. I made the most of whatever little learning material I had and due to my hard work I always managed to excel in my studies. Books were a distraction for me. I would spend an ample amount of time at the library unaware of the chaos that would be taking place at home. My father would make many gestures of friendship to me, not knowing the importance of our relationship; I would break him down every single time.

When I was old enough to move out, I chose to never see his face again. I would occasionally visit my mother though; It was not because I missed her but because I felt it was necessary to. My father remained irresponsible and due to his disregard to the house hold there was always a shortage of bread, milk and other necessities that I would need to take care of.

When I was finally in my early thirties, I suffered a severe car crash, breaking a few bones in my body. Upon having no friends and family other then my parents, they were the only people the hospital could contact. I was hesitant to see them but was delighted to see my mother who had brought me flowers. The news of my accident spread like wild fire but none of my co workers came to see me except for one lad. He claimed that people in the cooperate world were thrilled that I could not make it to work for another few weeks. My heart that was made of stone slowly gave into emotions and I finally cried.

My parents held me as I wept like a child. It was that moment that I realized what money could never buy me. It was the love of my parents.

 

[scarificeurlaav]

Is this type of story good enough for my exams? Quick reply have my exam on Thursday (ps Its also my bday on Thursday :

“They both agreed with the decision but were not happy about it”​

They both agreed with the decision but were not happy about it. To them it seemed like self –inflicted torture but they had no choice. It was either this or worse.
They took a last look at the creature. Cheeks as red as ripe strawberries, the baby girl was a spitting image of her mother. Her eyes shut; she was unaware of the cruelties of fate and was fast asleep in her mother’s comfortable lap. Anne, her face pallid and lips quivering gave her child a last kiss and prayed for her well-being. Unable to withstand the burden of abandoning her newborn daughter on the footsteps of a mansion on a cold night, she gave her baby into her husband’s hands and broke into a quiet sob. She was indeed shattered. Rain began to drizzle so leaving his daughter covered in a blanket, John accompanied his wife home wiping her tears and trying to control his own. His face was laced with a deep sorrow and melancholy and it seemed as if someone has stolen the glow of his face forever.
Soon the drizzle broke into a torrential rain and thunder peals began rolling across the granite black sky but their pace remained slow for their life had become meaningless. What could have been worse for a newlywed couple than to leave their first baby on the footsteps of a mansion simply because Anne’s mother-in-law wanted a grandson? She was one of those illiterate women with the mentality that girls were a sign of God’s displeasure and sons God’s blessings. For the same reason she had threatened to murder both Anne and her baby if she returned home with a daughter. John recalled the caustic words quite well. “You return with a daughter and both she and Anne will be slayed. I hope I’ve made myself very clear” had been her exact words that seared his heart. It was not the sort of memory he wished to retain but something that he wanted to permanently erase from his mind. For some reason or the other it clung to him like his own skin and intruded his thoughts as he walked, barefooted, over the rocks.
“Mom come one, be rational,” he had tried to persuade her but she had remained adamant on her decision. So he had surrendered simply because he could not risk Anne’s life. The thought of fleeing away had entered his mind and he had considered the option for quite some time but then thinking of how in extreme poverty his widowed mother had raised him he shoved the idea away. Anne had been exceedingly cooperative but at this moment she has begun to limp and he felt that unable to carry herself she would fall so clutched her hand tightly, unable to look into her eyes.
So such thoughts continued flowing and receding from his mind like waves on a beach and he finally reached home. He saw his mother standing in the doorway, motionless and erect, like a statue in its niche and said “The baby died during child birth.”
“He’s lying,” Anne shot out “It was a girl and we left her! It was a girl and___”
And Anne fell to the floor. She had fainted. John tried earnestly to wake her up but no avail. It seemed that Anne had bid the world farewell. He shot a rancor filled look at his mother and just then received a phone call with a doctor’s voice saying “A bottle of poison was just found in the room where your wife after giving birth to child was admitted to and had left about half an hour before. The bottle says “Effective after about an hour”” John dropped the phone and fell into coma.

wow bogus, that's really a nice piece of work and happy birthday in advance, all the best

 

[bogus]

wow bogus, that's really a nice piece of work and happy birthday in advance, all the best

could u grade or mark me on it and thanks

 

[scarificeurlaav]

could u grade or mark me on it and thanks

ehhh I'm kinda unfamiliar about how we get marked, but what the heck, I'd grade you an A* The content + language was great

 

[bogus]

ehhh I'm kinda unfamiliar about how we get marked, but what the heck, I'd grade you an A* The content + language was great

K thanks a lot. Pray I am able to keep up the same standard. Good luck

 

[Moona2]

K thanks a lot. Pray I am able to keep up the same standard. Good luck

Wow definately an A*! Love the content, vocab and language! You are creative! GOOD JOB!

 

[Moona2]

Can you please grade this too? Pretty please?

Write about an occasion which taught you that money is not the most important thing in life

I worked my whole life to be successful. Unlike my parents, I did not want to be under somebody’s debt. It hurt my pride as a child to see a man dressed up in a suit, banging on our doors asking for my father to pay him back. I did not want to be a failure like him.

Disappointed by my father’s irresponsibility, I took an interest in my studies. I made the most of whatever little learning material I had and due to my hard work I always managed to excel in my studies. Books were a distraction for me. I would spend an ample amount of time at the library unaware of the chaos that would be taking place at home. My father would make many gestures of friendship to me, not knowing the importance of our relationship; I would break him down every single time.

When I was old enough to move out, I chose to never see his face again. I would occasionally visit my mother though; It was not because I missed her but because I felt it was necessary to. My father remained irresponsible and due to his disregard to the house hold there was always a shortage of bread, milk and other necessities that I would need to take care of.

When I was finally in my early thirties, I suffered a severe car crash, breaking a few bones in my body. Upon having no friends and family other then my parents, they were the only people the hospital could contact. I was hesitant to see them but was delighted to see my mother who had brought me flowers. The news of my accident spread like wild fire but none of my co workers came to see me except for one lad. He claimed that people in the cooperate world were thrilled that I could not make it to work for another few weeks. My heart that was made of stone slowly gave into emotions and I finally cried.

My parents held me as I wept like a child. It was that moment that I realized what money could never buy me. It was the love of my parents.

Glad you liked my grading. I would give you 12/15 for content, 12/15 for language and 13/15 for Vocabulary. Don't worry, you must not stop here as I told you that there is always room for improvement. Good luck for your exams and don't worry. Just study vocab words as much as you can today.
Insha'allah you will accomplish what you desire to!
Feel free to post more if you wish to and I will GLADLY grade them. Also if you need help in any other subjects, feel free to ask me.

 

[Moona2]

P.S I've been getting A*s in English for my whole life. I read books and write blogs, reviews etc.

 

[scarificeurlaav]

P.S I've been getting A*s in English for my whole life. I read books and write blogs, reviews etc.

Thankyou thankyou thankyou That's very cool, you're really nice Are you having exams this year? Please go through the trouble of reading another one of my writings

Mistakes.​

​

“The biggest mistake I ever made was taking you back!”

Those were the last words Amy said before she slammed the door on Albert’s face. He had cheated on her again. It was as though these five years of marriage had been meaningless to him. It was as though their baby boy did not even exist. At first, she would be in a state of denial, make excuses for him but now as she slipped off her wedding ring, she was a free woman.

As she glanced at her rear view mirror, she pitied herself. Her eyes stung from crying all night and her lips were dry. Her hair looked like straw and her clothes were all crumpled. What had she made of herself? She slowly applied a hint of makeup and felt herself calm down. All these years, wasted on the wrong man. She did not want their car, the house, their money, all she wanted back was the time she had used up with him. She wanted to take back every meal she had tenderly prepared for him, she wanted to take back every present she had given to him, she wanted to make him the man she had thought he was so that she would still have a husband and Josh would still have a father but she would not be making that mistake again.

Her heart throbbed as she parked her car infront of her parent’s apartment where Josh had been staying; it took her a while to compose herself before she finally got out the car. As she climbed the stairs as she forced away the memories of the first time Albert came to visit her parents. Right now, he made her blood boil.

The door was opened by her adoring mother

“What happened, love? Where’s Albert?”

“Albert’s not coming, we’re not together anymore”

Amy said as she gently took Josh in her arms. He cooed at his mommy as she traced a finger on his soft skin.

“That’s alright, sweetheart, we’ll get through this.”

Her mother protectively wrapped her arm around her daughter. Of all the mistakes Amy had made in her life, she was content that she had finally gotten something right.

 

[bogus]

For one word topic this is considered wrong cuz u cant write a story on all one word topics. For instance for shame u can but not for happiness get the point..dont mind what i said this is my teacher's advice... that she gave me Also stick to topics with the word story in it eg write a story on to avoid any blunders. Stories are the most scoring. The plot of your story is pretty good though.

 

[scarificeurlaav]

For one word topic this is considered wrong cuz u cant write a story on all one word topics. For instance for shame u can but not for happiness get the point..dont mind what i said this is my teacher's advice... that she gave me Also stick to topics with the word story in it eg write a story on to avoid any blunders. Stories are the most scoring. The plot of your story is pretty good though.

Ohhhh ok, thanks, so can you like grade it as a story then?

 

[scarificeurlaav]

For one word topic this is considered wrong cuz u cant write a story on all one word topics. For instance for shame u can but not for happiness get the point..dont mind what i said this is my teacher's advice... that she gave me Also stick to topics with the word story in it eg write a story on to avoid any blunders. Stories are the most scoring. The plot of your story is pretty good though.

I asked my cousin though and he said that if its not specified than the topic can be treated anyway we like..

 

[bogus]

I asked my cousin though and he said that if its not specified than the topic can be treated anyway we like..

my teacher told us to avoid any confusion

 

[Jigar]

Should entertainers and sports stars be paid such large sums of money? What are your views.

In today's world, the distribution of money and power is completely unfair. It is true that there are billions of people out there who are starving at this very moment. Perhaps they might not even have a roof over their heads. Charitable organizations complain that they do not have enough money to support so many people. If money was spent in the right areas, this might not have been the case.

A fireman works his hours just to save people. He puts other people's lives before his, surely his occupation deserves a higher prestige than a pop star who shows up in a few gigs a month and spends all his day whining about how difficult life is. Or for instance a farmer, a farmer devotes his life to his crop, due to his efforts, hundreds of mouths are fed. Does he not deserve to earn more than a football players who earns millions of dollars just for kicking a ball around? These football players are bought off by clubs like domestic animals, large sums of money are spent just to get them to play one game. That money could have indeed be spent in a much more worth while organization

The truth is, the media plays an important role in blinding are view. They portray celebrities and sportsmen as heroes in such a way that we forget who are real heroes are. In my opinion, action should be taken to provide people with worth occupations a higher living standard. Together, we can all create a better world.

Would give u a C-B Grade..................Somehow convincing..................sometimes skipping from the points..........so please do not do that in the exams.........well ur language is good but altough you have the idea you dont express it out................................But making it more interestin will give a chance of a upgrade.........

 

[Fatima18]

Would give u a C-B Grade..................Somehow convincing..................sometimes skipping from the points..........so please do not do that in the exams.........well ur language is good but altough you have the idea you dont express it out................................But making it more interestin will give a chance of a upgrade.........

So, is it hard to get an A grade??Also, if u have a choice between argumentative and descriptive..Which is best to choose?

 

[Dashing Cancerian]

Can you please grade this too? Pretty please?

Write about an occasion which taught you that money is not the most important thing in life

I worked my whole life to be successful. Unlike my parents, I did not want to be under somebody’s debt. It hurt my pride as a child to see a man dressed up in a suit, banging on our doors asking for my father to pay him back. I did not want to be a failure like him.

Disappointed by my father’s irresponsibility, I took an interest in my studies. I made the most of whatever little learning material I had and due to my hard work I always managed to excel in my studies. Books were a distraction for me. I would spend an ample amount of time at the library unaware of the chaos that would be taking place at home. My father would make many gestures of friendship to me, not knowing the importance of our relationship; I would break him down every single time.

When I was old enough to move out, I chose to never see his face again. I would occasionally visit my mother though; It was not because I missed her but because I felt it was necessary to. My father remained irresponsible and due to his disregard to the house hold there was always a shortage of bread, milk and other necessities that I would need to take care of.

When I was finally in my early thirties, I suffered a severe car crash, breaking a few bones in my body. Upon having no friends and family other then my parents, they were the only people the hospital could contact. I was hesitant to see them but was delighted to see my mother who had brought me flowers. The news of my accident spread like wild fire but none of my co workers came to see me except for one lad. He claimed that people in the cooperate world were thrilled that I could not make it to work for another few weeks. My heart that was made of stone slowly gave into emotions and I finally cried.

My parents held me as I wept like a child. It was that moment that I realized what money could never buy me. It was the love of my parents.

this was supposed to be a narrative descriptive but i guess it has more narration as it starts from narration.... i guess it would not score more than an A... A would be for most.... nd least can go to any extent

 

[Dashing Cancerian]

Should entertainers and sports stars be paid such large sums of money? What are your views.

In today's world, the distribution of money and power is completely unfair. It is true that there are billions of people out there who are starving at this very moment. Perhaps they might not even have a roof over their heads. Charitable organizations complain that they do not have enough money to support so many people. If money was spent in the right areas, this might not have been the case.

A fireman works his hours just to save people. He puts other people's lives before his, surely his occupation deserves a higher prestige than a pop star who shows up in a few gigs a month and spends all his day whining about how difficult life is. Or for instance a farmer, a farmer devotes his life to his crop, due to his efforts, hundreds of mouths are fed. Does he not deserve to earn more than a football players who earns millions of dollars just for kicking a ball around? These football players are bought off by clubs like domestic animals, large sums of money are spent just to get them to play one game. That money could have indeed be spent in a much more worth while organization

The truth is, the media plays an important role in blinding are view. They portray celebrities and sportsmen as heroes in such a way that we forget who are real heroes are. In my opinion, action should be taken to provide people with worth occupations a higher living standard. Together, we can all create a better world.

A grade.... i guess...